she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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