my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
