i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
