you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
