cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
