just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
