i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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