My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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