I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
