i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
