he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize