We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
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I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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