drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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