She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
