there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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