i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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