If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
