He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
