I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
