she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize