That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
