Im at strip club and am horny
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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