dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you still have your period?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
