My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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