So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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