just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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