Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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