i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize