I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
try to milk me bitch
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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