sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
