Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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