This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
