I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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