I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
