Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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