My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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