I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
