new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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