Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Say something about gay babies.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
