I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
