At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
