Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
