You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Houston, we have a squirter
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
