The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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