he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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