Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
