Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
