So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We need to get me chipped asap
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