I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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