what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
