She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
