so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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