guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
