Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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