He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
