Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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