Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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