3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
