There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
