I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
