Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
