New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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