i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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