If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
