Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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