is your mom at the bar?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
