the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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