Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
