and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
