I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
