I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
