For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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