i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You've changed since you got that strap on
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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