You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
