there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
