Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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